Self Possessed
by lela12344
Summary: This is Rogue's point of view in the episode: Self Possessed.


**This took forever to write. I had to watch the show, then keep replaying it to see what they said. It was pretty fun though. Ooooooo. Here comes the disclaimer... This aren't my characters. I didn't make the X-Men blah blah blah. Enjoy :)**

**

* * *

**

Why am I feeling like this? Why does he like Jean? Why not me? I guess no one wants to be with a freak. He doesn't even want to play tennis with me anymore.

"Bye Rogue!" I hear him call as he shuts the door. I stand there, hoping he come will back. He doesn't.

Grunting, I throw my tennis racket into the wall. It stays, sticking out of the wall at an odd angle. I sink to my knees, breathing hard. Can't keep my thoughts straight. I feel sweat dripping down my face. Maybe I should just kill Jean. After she deserted me like that- Wait! Those aren't mine. Those aren't my thoughts. Are they Blob's? Why am I thinking them then? I hear a growl in my mind. Voices. There are so many. I stand up. Maybe movement will help. I run up to my room, to get ready for school. Kitty is gone already. Good. Stupid girl.

I bring my hands to my head. I don't think Kitty is stupid! I did before we really knew each other but now? She's one of my best friends. I'm ready for school. I don't even know what I have on though. Brush. Brush. Brush. I put my hair brush down. My hair looks okay now. A flash of memories. Scott is giving me flowers. How sweet. Then I remember that it didn't really happen to me. Just Jean. I rub my head. Why is this happening! I quickly pull on my gloves. Walking to my door, I open it. There Logan is. Why? His hand is raised, like he was going to knock.

"Rogue?"

"Logan... Is something wrong?"

"That's kinda what I was wonderin'." he replies. "Does this look familiar?" Logan asks as he holds up my broken tennis racket.

"Well..." I'm saved from replying as Kitty comes up and pulls me away.

"Come on! Jean is gonna give us a ride in her new SUV!"

I wave to Logan. I see his eyebrow raise slightly, just as Kitty drags me around the corner of the wall. When we get to Jean's car, I see how clean it is. I wanna spit on it. But, I don't.

"Alright," Kitty says admiringly, looking around. "Hey Jean! Now that you've got wheels, why not car pool to the concert?"

The concert. Oh yeah. That's why Scott won't play tennis with me tonight. Because he's taking stupid Jean to the concert.

"Oh, well, I'm-uh kind of going with Scott." she says confirming my thoughts.

"No problem! He won't mind unless it's some kind of..." Don't say it Kitty. I'm warning you. Of course I say this it in my mind, so you can't hear it, but still...

She gasps loudly. "Whoa! It's a date!"

There. She said it. I reign in my emotion as best as I can with a telepath in the car and all, but it's hard with all the voices telling me to do different things. Some say for me to kill Kitty, others say to kill Jean. Faintly, I can hear one or two saying I can resist the other voices. That I'm too good for killing. I focus on those voices.

"No it isn't." Jean replies to Kitty half-heartedly. We all three already know that it is anyway.

"You guys are actually going out!" Kitty squeals, ignoring Jean's protests. Suddenly I smell sulfur, and see Kurt up next to Jean with his disguise watch on. "Who's going out?" he asks eagerly. Probably looking for some juicy gossip. He's almost as bad as Kitty!

"Jean and Scott! Can you believe it?"

"No! No way! Really? It's about time!" Kurt says. I look away before they see my face. "Uh." I scoff, disgusted.

"Jean's got a date!" Kitty continues teasing.

"Ugh! I do not."

It's quiet for a moment before everyone breaks into laughter. I don't laugh.

"Would you guys drop it already?" It's out of my mouth before I can stop it. Now it's real silence. The awkward kind that happens when people realized that you don't think something is funny. I turn back to the window. We arrive at school after a few minutes. I get out without saying anything. I hear Kitty and Kurt whispering. "Like, what's up with Rogue?" That's Kitty for you. The loudest whisperer in the state of New York. I continue walking.

I keep my eyes downcast as I walk the halls of Bayville High School. Bathroom here I come. Maybe I can drown myself in a toilet or something. Another flash of memories hits me full on. It was when me and Kitty touched fingertips. I feel an odd sensation, and then I'm in the bathroom door. Then I'm through it. Did I just phase?

"Rogue!" I hear a voice call. It's not in my head though. "There you are! I was looking all over for you."

An English voice surprises me. The only English person I know is... "Risty? W-where have you been! Ya totally disappeared!"

"Stuck in England." Risty scoffs. She runs up to me. It really is her. The one person at this school that actually bothered to talk to me. Her hair is the same dark purple color, and she uses the same purple eyeshadow. "Oh, my parents wouldn't let me come back here with all the... fuss and stuff. I finally talked them into it." she continues. The fuss. Fuss that me and the X-Men created. So it _is_ my fault that I haven't seen her for so long...

We exit the bathroom. I'm careful to use the door this time. "Rogue, I am so sorry I wasn't here for you." Risty apologizes sincerely.

"It's... no big deal." I reply. "But, I'm the one that should feel bad! I mean, here we are friends and I was hiding who I really was from you." I stop to get a drink from the fountain. Everything goes dark in my mind. Lightning. Lightning! Suddenly, I see of Storm flying and commanding the weather. "Ah!" I leap back as the fountain turns into a mixture of sparks and water. There is a burst of thunder, and the lightning disappears, but water is spraying everywhere. I look around for Storm. I don't see her. She can't fly away that fast, I know. So was it me?

"Rogue are you alright?" Risty asks me, concerned. I back away gasping for air. Around me people are whispering, pointing. "I-I... I don't know!" I manage to squeak out before I take off running down the hall.

Later, Risty finds me sitting on a picnic table. "Were those your powers?"

"N-no... Yes, I mean sort of! Ugg, It's too hard to explain!"

"It's okay. If you don't want to talk about it, then you don't have to." she says, getting up to leave. I see the slight disappointment on her face.

"W-wait!" She turns back immediately. "I do..."

I get down off the table. "Um, well," I take off my glove slowly. "if I were to touch you right now I'd probably put you into a coma. Your life force, your memories. Everything about you would flow into me." Risty flinches away from my hand, and I put my glove on quickly.

"That's... freaky." she confesses.

"Yeah, it is. And worse everyone I've touched, stays in my head. It's... getting a little crowded." I say, sitting back down.

"Hey, how about we go and laugh at the geeks at the concert!" Risty suggests, changing the subject. She sits down beside me. "Come on, it'll be fun!"

"Risty... I've kinda missed having you around." I confine in her, smiling. Maybe today would brighten up a little. She and I stand up, and Risty locks arms with me. We walk away to get ready for the concert later. This might be fun...

* * *

Later, me and Risty enter the concert together. There's loud music, and I can't even make out the words the band's singer is singing. Strobe lights are flashing everywhere. I like it. The band members are jamming out and everyones screaming and yelling. I see Tabitha jumping up and down right in front of the band. Kurt is with Amanda yelling loudly. Kitty even brought Jamie. I snicker loudly, and point at them. Risty starts snickering along with me. Kitty is sixteen, and Jamie is... twelve? Our snickering turns into loud laughter. No one looks at us though, with all the loud music. I look closer. Is Jamie dressed in... "He's wearing a suit!" I yell loudly. We laugh until were breathless. Then I see Scott and Jean. My laughter stops instantly.

I hear Jean yell at Kitty teasingly. "Kitty's got a date!"

"Oh, your a riot!" she yells back, rolling her eyes.

"Uh, what was that?" Scott asks as Jean giggles.

"Payback." Scott looks confused. Jean continues. "Well, she was making fun of us being... uh, well."

"What? About us being on a... date?"

"Uh, yeah. Can you imagine?"

"We do stuff together all the time!"

"I know! It doesn't mean were going out or anything."

"And even if we are, so what?" My heart stops at that line. Is he going to ask her out?

"Right, right. It's just none of their business." Jean finishes. Risty pulls me up closer to the band, not noticing my anxious expression. The band starts another song. Even though were farther away than before I can still hear them talking.

"So, is this a date?" Scott asks. Jean looks taken by surprise for a moment, then regains her composure. Oh, perfect. A love song. The perfect kind of song that Scott can confess his love for Jean during. Suddenly I feel a pressure in my eyes. I see Scott lying in the snow, my hand on his forehead.

"Ah." I mumble, putting my hand to my head. My eyes glow red for a moment before turning back to normal.

"You still have a thing for him. Don't you?" Risty asks, bringing me back to reality. I look over at Scott again. My head hurts immensely, but I'm still thinking about him.

"What!" I protest. "No way! And Scott and Jean are practically a couple!"

"Really? Well they deserve each other." Risty replies with disgust. Even though I denied it, she knows I still like him. "And you my girl, can do better." she promises as she leads me still closer to the band. We are surrounded by closer to the band we go, the more people there are. We're being jostled around, but Risty seems to be having fun. I'm not.

"I think this was a mistake." I say loudly. Moving my arms, I try to make more space for myself. Instead, more people join us. I'm smashed against Risty. "I don't do well in crowds. We can't even move!"

"Oh relax your covered up enough!" she replies as someone pushes me into her. I try to back away, but someone touches my face. Instantly, their memories flow through me. My name is Chris Johnson. I love this band. I am fifteen years old. My parents don't understand me. My brother is... The memories continue, and I clutch my head. Everyone around me dances. I am in physical pain now, the memories and personality of Chris hitting me with force. The noise, the people, the screaming. It's too much! Someone knocks a girl over into me. She rips my sleeve.

Another boy runs into my uncovered arm. "Ah!" My name is Trevor Black. I live with my parents. I dream of going to college. Secretly, I have three girlfriends. Becky is my favorite... I back away into someone. Another person hits me. My name is Joshua Cole. People make fun of me. I have no friends. I get okay grades...

Too many people! Too many thought! Three people lay on the ground, unconscious. This time I fall into a young girl. My name is Julie Walker. I am seventeen years old. I think my boyfriend is going to propose. We will have to run away. My parents... Four people on the ground. I search the crowd. Risty? Where's Risty! I find her, but my arm hits her bare skin. She stays in contact with me for so long. And I know everything. How Risty isn't from England. How Risty isn't real. How Risty is Mystique.

I hear her scream, and I know it's true. There never was a Risty. I begin to sweat, and look over at Mystique. We are still touching. I hear another person screaming. Is that me? Mystique falls to the ground, and suddenly I'm... Risty. Why am I Risty? I stumble around, before I become myself again. Then Sabretooth flashes into my mind. I feel a sudden rage and I become much bigger and heavier.

"Rogue!" I turn and see Mystique. I stand and give a loud roar. Everyone around me begins screaming and running. I have my eye on one thing. The music. I must stop the music. It's so loud! I run to the stage and jump up easily. The guitarist backs away, terrified. Good. I make a grab for him, but he avoids me. At least the music stopped. I turn and roar loudly over the crowd. Now everyone can see me. They all scatter, trying to get away from the monster. I jump up on the speakers, and they topple under my weight. Maybe that will kill a few people. Numerous things begin to fall. The speakers set off a chain reaction of falling objects.

I swing off of the lights I was on to the speakers on the other side of the stage. I knock them over too. Just as they are about to fall on the crowd, Jean stops them with her telekinesis. Growling, I jump off the stage and into the rush of people. Most of the idiots haven't had the good sense to run yet. Easy pickings. I jump at a woman too paralyzed with fear to move, but Kitty rushes up to her, and I fall through them. Stupid Kitty. She phased right through me with the woman.

I set my sights on another. Just as I'm about to start off toward her, Jamie jumps on my back. We fight, and he touches my skin multiple times. Several of him appear on me, and I can't shake them off. Not until I get the real one that is. I throw him onto the ground, and he rolls several feet. I go back up on the stage. Security rushes to me. "Stay where you are!" Yeah right. I lift up a speaker and throw it at them. Kurt manages to grab it and teleport before it hits the men.

I throw off the security guards who finally reached me. I feel a hot sting in my side. Scott. I slam into the wall, hard. Part of it collapses on me. Suddenly, another flash of memories hit. Juggernaut. I feel my self grow even bigger, and stronger than before. I throw off the rubble, and stand up. Then, I manage to force myself out of the stadium before I can do more damage.

* * *

Who am I? Am I Sabretooth? Juggernaut? Rogue? Risty? On the streets I hear police sirens. They stop behind me. Another flash. Magneto. I push the car back easily. Pain. Now I'm Pietro. I take off running. More pain. Now I'm just a regular kid. A police car passes me without a thought. I walk into an alley. Pain. Pain everywhere. I hurt so bad. I look at my hands. Now, I'm Rogue. Who is Rogue? Is Rogue one of my enemies? Who am I? I fall to the ground shaking. Crying. After a few moments I hear a voice.

"Rogue? Are you alright?" It asks. I know that voice. Mystique.

"Get away from me!" I yell, standing up shakily.

"Listen. I know I've hurt you. Put I only posed as your friend so I could be near you." Without a word, I change into her. "Liar!" I yell, grabbing her wrist and punching her into a barrel of trash. "I know the truth! You used me to spy on the X-Men!"

"No," she replied almost pleadingly. "it's not that simple."

I turn around and try to kick her, but she easily avoids it. "Please, don't do this." Mystique continues. I try to fight her. She deflects everything I throw at her, but doesn't fight back. Why? "If you have my memories, then you know what are relationship is."

I change back to Rogue. "I don't know anything."

"Admit the truth Rogue. I adopted you when you were four."

"No!"

"Search the memories!" Mystique calls as I take off down the street. "You are my daughter."

Tears begin to stream down my face. I teleport suddenly. When I stop, I find myself on a dirty rooftop. Everything is mixed up. I don't even know who I am. I sit for a moment. Then I hear something. Logan's motorcycle. Pain. I change to Sabretooth again. "Wolverine." I growl. I feel such a strong hate for Wolverine at that moment. I listen to where the motorcycle is, and then jump done from the roof on top of him.

I shove him off the motorcycle, and we roll around, fighting. He unleashes his claws, and I let loose a loud roar. He slashes a light pole next to me. Unprepared I hits me, and I fall with it. Logan stops and sniffs the air. "Wait a minute. You're not Sabretooth."

I pick up the light pole, ignoring his voice completely. "Fight me!"

Unprepared for the weight of it, I swing it by him slowly trying to hit him. He ducks casually. "Now I know your not Sabretooth."

The X-Van comes screeching up beside him, and unloads it's luggage. The whole X-Men team jumps out. Cyclops is the first to fire.

"Cyclops, no!" Wolverine growls, his hand outreached as if trying to stop the burst of red energy. I feel myself fly back into the wall of an abandoned warehouse. Quickly I stand up, and go into hiding. I hear voices. "Now were going to finish this!" Scott rallies the other X-Men.

"No, that's not Sabretooth. It's Rogue." Logan says, putting his hand out to stop Scott from going any farther.

"What?" Cyclops asks.

"How can that be?" Kurt also questions.

"I don't know, but it is. And she's not thinkin' straight." Thinking straight. I almost start to laugh. I haven't been thinking all night. Thinking straight? Yeah good luck with that. They enter the warehouse slowly. Cautiously.

"Rogue?" Cyclops calls softly. "Are you in here?"

I growl, but change back into Rogue. "Talk to me. Tell me what's happening. We're here to help." he says.

Voices. Voices. Thoughts. Some mine. Some others. I feel another stabbing pain, and change into Scott. I find a spot to wait for him. Then I jump down, once he gets close. "Hey big shot! Better help yourself!"

I shoot him. Not with a gun, but with his own eyes. He flies back and into a crate. Once Scott stops rolling, he finds himself at Logan's feet. "Hurts more than I thought." Cyclops says, grimacing but accepting Wolverine's offered hand.

"She's shapeshifting." I hear Logan growl gruffly. "She could be anybody."

I change into Lance, and place my hands on the ground. It starts to shake, and a large rack of boxes and crates fall on Wolverine and Cyclops. I feel more pain, and change back to Rogue. I can't control it. I just know when I'm about to change into someone else. Logan pulls a crate off of himself. "Help me." I cry out desperately.

"We will Rogue. Just stay calm." He reaches down and helps Cyclops up. "We're your friends." Scott adds.

Risty. I remember Risty. Mystique to be more accurate. "I have no friends." I reply bitterly. My eyes glow an eerie white, and I change into Storm. Lifting my arms, I command the winds. Using only a bit of my energy, I create a lighting storm inside the building. I feel powerful, strong. And yet I still feel pain. The lightning throws both of the men outside with the rest of the X-Men.

"We've surround the warehouse." I hear Jean say. "What's wrong with her?"

Scott replies. "It's like every person she's ever absorbed is fighting to take over her."

Suddenly I feel the winds tear off the roof of the warehouse. I rise above them all. Now, I change back to Rogue, but have powers. All of them. My eyes glow red, and I shoot a beam of energy down at Jean, Scott, and Logan. Jean picks them up with her telekinesis, and pulls them to safety. Kurt appears next to them.

"I think she's got control over all those powers at once. And it's not a good thing" Logan realizes. He's right on both accounts.

I hear a loud noise. Turning around, I see the X-Jet. Inside are Professor Xavier, Hank, and Storm. I easily deflect it with Magneto's powers, sending it to the ground. Flying around, I aim for anything that moves. Shooting is automatic now. No more hesitation. No one is my friend. Jean tries to pull me down, but I send her a wicked smile, and push back. She falls back several feet, and rolls on the ground. Next, Scott tries shooting me down, but I put up a shield that he can't get past. I send back a burst of lightning that explodes at his feet.

Bamf! Kurt is behind me. Sneaky little team. Diversions I see. Oh well, I can still win. Kurt tries to teleport with me. I send him to the ground, hard. Even Storm tries to stop me with her lightning bolts. I shoot them back, twice as strong and twice as many. Soon she is knocked unconscious. Jean lays her on the ground gently. More pain. My foggy visoin clears a bit. What am I doing! These are my teammates! They've been with me in thick and thin, and I'm trying to kill them! Still, I can't stop.

"Everyone fall back." I hear Logan gruffly command. "I can take the beating better than you can. Ice up kid." he motions to Bobby.

I'm in too much pain to listen. It hurts so bad. Turning from the battle, I crunch into a little ball, and try to gain control again. I hear a growl, and Logan is behind me jumping off of an ice pillar that Bobby created. He has his arms around me, and we're both falling. I push the winds around us, slowing our descent. We fall on a car. Now that I'm on the ground, he quickly rolls away from me and stands up. We both go into fighting stance. He's hesitating. He doesn't want to hurt me. And truthfully, I don't want to hurt him either. But... I can't stop myself.

I use Jamie's power to make multiples of myself. Multiple Rogues. Logan backs away from me. "Rogue. I know what it's like for nothin' ta make sense in your head. I've been there."

I try and listen to him. I try to stop they others. They're too strong. Using Magneto's power, I stretch Logan out in front of me. He's helpless with his adamantium skeleton and claws. I could easily kill him right now. He doesn't even have his claws out. My multiples come forward, and shoot Logan with an energy beam all together at the same time. He barely manages to pop his claws, scratching the top of a car, and slowing his momentum. Still, he rams into the X-Van. Injured, he stands after a few seconds. His healing abilities will take care of everything.

My multiples teleport over to Logan, and lift him with Magneto's power again. "Listen ta me kid, the others inside you. You're lettin' them push ya around. The Rogue I know wouldn't take that offa anybody." he manages to grunt out in a final, desperate attempt to stop me.

I am Rogue. This thought finally strikes me. This pure, undying thought. Everything about me comes flooding in again. Still, the others are fighting. Trying to take over again. It's so hard. And it hurts so bad. I pull my multiples back into me, and fall on my knees. "That's right! Stand up to em'" Logan encourages. I must of released him, because he's right next to me. I grab my head. The voices. They protest.

"Logan! There's too many of them!" I cry out. I begin shaking my head, hoping somehow that they will just fall out. Of course, they don't.

"Fight it Rogue. Stay tough." Logan says, pushing me forward. He's stroking my hair with his hand, trying to help me in anyway possible. He can probably smell my pain. I look up, and see his expression. He's worried about me. If he could do something to help, I'm sure he would be doing it. I put my head down again, throwing my body around in a desperate attempt to rid myself of the others. The voices, the thoughts. None of them our mine. Who am I? I'm loosing it again!

"No! No! NO!" I hear myself scream. _Stop resisting me Rogue_. Is that... Professor. Professor Xavier! He's going to help me. Please let him be here to help me. _Help me. We can wipe those personalities out together._ _One by one. _Sounds pretty painful doing it one by one. I don't think anything could be more painful than this though.

"Rogue, come on. You can do this." Logan says watching me closely. In his eyes hold pain, and worry at what's happening to me. I fall forward on my hands and knees, and almost beg him to kill me. Then I remember that I might be able to get out of this.

I let loose a scream as the pain intensifies to an unbearable level. My whole body is slowly burning. I'm dying. I feel my self change. First, to Cody the first boy I ever kissed. Next come Kurt. Then Pietro. Then Storm. The rest flow in after that. I'm not sure if the pain is intensifying or lessening. All I know is I'm screaming loud, and long. So tired. So pained. Can't think. Can't move. Can't breathe. HelpFor some reason, the last thing I see is a flash of red on a rooftop across the street. Then, I feel myself falling into Logan's arms, and blessed darkness.

Where am I? Am I dead? No, I hurt too much. But it's not the same kind of hurt as when I was fighting my other personalities. My eyes are closed, but I can feel someone next to me. They smell of cigars, and pine trees. Logan.

"Hm." he sighs heavily. Then he begins talking. "I won't lie ta ya kid. Getting over this ain't gonna be easy. Somethin' about betrayal always sticks with ya." The way he said betrayal, it sounds like he knows from experience. "But trust me. Ya learn to deal with it."

Suddenly, I feel a pressure on my hand. My bare hand. I think most of my body is bare, except for what the hospital gown is covering. "Ya move on." he continues. "And, ya let your real friends be there for ya." Logan finishes in a soft voice. I grasp his hand in return, to say that I heard. My eyes open, and I see his face looking down at me with an almost tender expression filling it. He spoke all of this from experience. Poor Logan. Poor me, I realize as all of last night's activities flood back to me. Now, my head is strangely light, and empty. I love it. Then Mystique and Risty enter the picture. Tears fill my eyes, but I know that I truly do have friends. Real ones. The X-Men are that. And now, I know that I would do the same thing for any of them. I am Rogue. Rogue of the X-Men. And nothing will ever change that.

I smile up at Logan, even though it hurts. "Thank you."

He smiles back, "You're welcome."

I know I was right about the friends part.

_~Fin~_

_

* * *

_

**I just fell in love with the little Logan and Rogue bit. I don't do Rogan, even though I have a story with them together in it. I was bored that day! Okay, so I normally don't write first person. Heck, this is the first time I've ever written first person. Takes a lot of thought, and time to figure out how the person feels sometimes... Anyway, hope you enjoyed the story! REVIEW! :)**


End file.
